Repeat Offender

Originally Published  February 11, 2008

“History never repeats, I tell myself before I go to sleep”- Squeeze…

Oh if only that was true for most of us…..have you ever wondered why Human nature seemingly forces us to engage in activities that, in our conscious mind, we know are not good or healthy for us? Maybe it is a matter of the ego or some attachment we had to a “feeling” we had when we were previously in “said” situation. Finding a way to move through it and still loving ourselves in the process, may be the greatest challenge of all.

For a few years, I have had a chronic shoulder injury that has prevented me from moving deeper into certain yoga postures and has definitely become a nemesis at times. For awhile, I took care of it, other times I ignored it, but now I embrace it….finding ways to work through the pain and mentally acknowledging why I continually put myself into situations where I trigger pain in my shoulder…including practicing hand stands and shoulder stands. Maybe its my ego, maybe its because I want to ignore my limitations, maybe its because I know I can do these advanced postures and they don’t always bother my shoulder, or maybe because I think I can handle it today? I am sure it is all of these things and so much more….and perpetual “repeating” of things that once were….and not looking at what I need today.

I guess the first step in breaking the pattern is acknowledging that you are going to that place and recognizing that it may not be healthy, physically or emotionally. For me, reconnecting can offer a sense of nostalgia and comfort….and maybe that is why I keep turning upside down. The exhilaration and the rush of facing fear is enough for me, even with the knowledge that I might continue to hurt my shoulder more….When completed, a sense of extreme accomplishment arises and it can be difficult to remain unattached. With this practice in patience, I have learned that by becoming friends with my shoulder, I can embrace the experience and move forward knowing that it is mine…and I love it!

Such is true for everything in our lives: the patterns that we repeat, the activities that we continue to engage in, the relationships we embrace and the lessons we choose to learn or ignore in the process. Wanting what I can’t have will always be something that I need to look at. For now, becoming friends with my shoulder, as well as, my choices, is good enough for me.